If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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