Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
