Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
