I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
