Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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