dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
