Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
