i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can you bring me the toilet please
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
