you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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