You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
