Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
