Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You dont lie about slip and slides
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
