I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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