Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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