please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
