what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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