Her vagina should come with caution tape.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
