I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
