she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
