I wish I could teleport
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
