Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
