I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
