Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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