I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
