How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
