theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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