I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
