why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no you cant smoke seaweed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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