singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
