he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
