someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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