I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
