It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Every concussion has its silver lining
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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