SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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