so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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