So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
