you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
