Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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