Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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