we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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