Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
