It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
