just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
