that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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