You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
