So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
