I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
