it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
