I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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