I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
