she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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