Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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