She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
